Cathedrals

So I'm in my room listening to the song Cathedrals by Jump, Little Children. I've loved this song since 1998 when it first hit nationwide radio. But sitting there, alone and a little bit cold, I realized that I don't know any of the lyrics, what the songs about, or why I listen to it. All I know is that everytime that I do, I have the undeniable urge to cry, long and hard. I don't even know what I want to cry about. I just want to lie down and let tears flow down my cheeks and know that I'm feeling something real- something downright life-altering. Of course I never cry. I haven't cried in the entire decade that I've been listening to this song.

I walk over to my laptop and delete the track without even thinking. I just delete it and exit itunes in one swift stride. I don't really know why. It doesn't even matter. In around three months I'll download it again and listen to it nonstop for two weeks, sitting alone in my room, wanting to cry, and not really knowing how.

Once back when I was in eighth grade I made this mix cd that had every sad song that I could think of on it. It had Cathedrals, and Colorblind by Counting Crows, and Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith. It was my favorite cd. Well, I would play it so loud, for so long, that eventually I didn't hear it anymore. I just felt it vibrating through the room. I just liked the way I had memorized the piano and guitar chords so well that I was positive I could play them if you gave me an instrument. I was sure of it.

I'm listening to "You've Got the Best of My Love" by the Emotions right now and I love it because it reminds me of when my mother dances. She has this huge smile on her face, snaps her fingers to the beat, and steps from side to side. I want to dance like that for the rest of my life.

At the end of my senior year in high school I was obsessed with that movie Once. There's a song in it called "Falling Slowly" that is the most played song in my itunes library. It has 378 plays because I used to put it on repeat while I slept. Ive done that with alot of music. I'll share some of those songs with you at the end of this post, just for fun. Just because when I remember each song I can see exactly who I was when I first discovered them. Maybe that's why i love them so much. Maybe that's why I love music, because even when I'm asleep it moves me.

I don't know why I'm talking about music so much these days. Bear with me.

Songs To Sleep To:
My Time Has Come by Destiny's Child
His Eye in on the Sparrow by Lauryn Hill and Cece Winans (from Sister Act 2)
Love 2 Need 2 Want by Urban Ave 31
Love is You by Chrisette Michelle
Raise it Up from the August Rush Soundtrack
Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson
Amsterdam by Coldplay
Everybody Needs a Fence to Lean On by Headlights
Just For Now by Imogen Heap
I'm Lost Without You by Blink 182
Play Crack the Sky by Brand New
Try by Nelly Furtado
Home by Vanessa Carlton
Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

-kia